*you did something I will never forgive you for - you took your love away from me;;

I was told today I had to extract 2 teeth. All that went on in my mind was "AHH!!" Heard from Amanda its nasty business. You'd bleed for like a day non-stop.. -shudders. I'm scared.

I put in a new color - red. Auspicious since exams were coming. Ya anw. Gotta go. Bbye.

*you did something I will never forgive you for - you took your love away from me;;

Got up late, but reached school in time. Went for chapel, sang my heart out. Prayed awhile, went down for street brandy. Played abit, won a game of 9-6. Found out it was LAWRENCE'S birthday as well as Bensee's. Changed, went for english lesson. Had an assignment which was to choose a kids' song and sub in the structure of factual recounts. Chose "Jesus loves me". Did it successfully. Ms Luah liked it. Had brunch, went for Chem. Irritated Sherlyn by pressing hard on her thighs. Went for art, got nagged at. Was supposed to draw Jesus in my batik. Got upset cos I almost felt the pain of Jesus. Drew it quite ok, got ideas from Mdm Lim. Went for ORCA, chatted with Mr Kwa for awhile. Played a three-second game of tug-of-war with him for a roll of double-sided tape. I won but gave it to him. It was Sherlyn's though. Stayed back to look for Aaron. Couldnt find him. Wei Xuan told me where he was. Sat with them plus Xiu Feng for awhile. Sent Bensee an sms wishing him happy birthday. Wanted to sms Lawrence too, but he doesnt know me. Went home, took a bath and started on homework. Did my math, did chinese. After, watched tv. Wanted to go sleep, but went online. Talked to Alson and Xiu Feng but they stopped replying. And blablabla.

I know, this entry sounds abit blah. I didnt know what to write. Ahh. Sounds like a plan for a recount of something. If it were I think I'd have flunked English.

*you did something I will never forgive you for - you took your love away from me;;

ARGH!!!!

Things are NOT going my way. First the stupid computer got some virus on the net, and I cant get in. Secondly the dumb printer ran out of ink. I asked Xiu Feng to help me to print it out, and she forgets. The second day she forgets again. I asked Sherlyn then, she didnt come to school. I'm already at my wits end. So I asked Amanda to print for me, her printer is spoilt. I asked Matthew to print for me, his printer doesnt have ink. I asked Jonathan to print for me, he gotta go off. I ask Sherlyn again, but she didnt reply me and went offline. AHH!!

I'm pissed, pissed, PISSED. Not at anyone, but at the stupid computer for conking out at the wrong time. There's also my art exam!! &*^%$#%^&*

*you did something I will never forgive you for - you took your love away from me;;

Hmmm. Where do I start? I had many things I wanted to write in here, but after that food poisoning I got I kinda forgot what I had to say. Maybe all my thoughts went out with my- Okay, NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND. =P

Since the time when I heard 5566 again at TS Vision with Sherlyn, Aaron and Xiu Feng, I started listening again. Their songs are rather ok. Yeah yeah, I know, they're abit cheena. But I think they're actually quite cute. But no one beats "Lawrence*". I hate myself when I say things like that.

Mom reckons I should see a doctor about my blood. I've been getting alot of bruises lately with no memory of being hit or knocked. My ankles are abit weird too. Sometimes it feels as though I sprained them, but the pain comes and goes. Getting annoying, really. Ahhh.. I wonder whats wrong with the stupid watermelon I ate just now. -winces. All the stomach-aches and my not-eating-on-regular-basis is contributing to my loss of weight. My parents and Gab said I lost quite abit of weight. I can see my ribs when I inhale heavily. Ugh gross.

Anw.. Lol.. I saw Aaron's diary. He posted Sherlyn's entry about Isabelle in there too.. haha. When I read it the second time I nearly exploded.. It was FUN-NY! Great one man. All that horse piss and stuff. Very cool. Ex-ce-llent. A work of art. -kisses fingers.

Miss Wong so chio~! LOL~!

I think I'm too happy today.

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

Had oral today. I did like shit in chinese. I came out feeling so depressed. I stood on my own outside the hall, thinking bout what I had said during the conversation. I was feeling so horrid, then Xiu Feng and Aaron came out. They talked to happily about theirs. But I just stared outside quietly. When they asked me what happened I just pulled away and said "dont ask". But they kept probing.. I couldnt stand it anymore.. I just told them everything.. And I started crying outside the hall..

Mr Pang saw me.. And asked Xiu Feng what happened.. I just mumbled to him "wo jue de zhi zi hen mei yong, oral ye zhou bu hao".. He just comforted me by patting my back.. But I couldnt face him..

I felt like shit then.. And I still feel like it now.. Although Aaron and Xiu Feng comforted me I felt abit better.. The teacher asked about motorcycle accidents, and I actually rambled on about the accident rate between youngsters of below 29 to old people. I cant believe I did that. I didnt even know what was "consequence" in chinese.. No wonder my tuition teacher said my chinese was really terrible.. Gab came out and saw that I had cried when she was 5 metres away from me. I really wish the one who invigilated [or whatever] me was Mr Kwa. He would interpret those words you didnt understand in english.. I think I did horribly for chinese oral.. I just feel like giving up now..

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

I watched An American Tail a couple of nights back. When I saw the part when Fifel wanted to explore abit on the ship they were on during a terrible thunderstorm, his dad had done everything to bring him back into the safety of the cabin. The father ran out of the cabin even though he knew he could die. But he still went ahead and tried to follow Fifel to bring him back. That part really meant something. It kinda showed how deep was a father's love.

Anw, I had a great time at church today. We sang a song which was the ending song of my parents' wedding. My mom said, "this is the song that was last played during our wedding. Before you were born". Like, duh. I'm not one of those freaky kids who go around complaining they werent invited to their parents' wedding. So then, the pastor asked us what were our plans on Sabbath day, since it was a day for rest. My dad muttered "sleep" under his breath. The pastor still continued talking. "Do you attend a one-and-a-half hours of service?"
"Yes, sleep".
"Do you spend the day with your family?"
"No, sleep"
"Or do you work on that day as well?"
"Sleep, sleep, and sleep"
I was going, -_-". Everything meant sleep for my dad. Tsk. So the pastor went on talking about marriage. He said some people were so concerned about finding their soul mate that they only got married at a late age, like 51. My dad whispered to me," dont take that long kay". Yeah so service was humourous as well as interesting. My mom was fighting to keep a straight face throughout my dad's jokes. After service my mom asked where I wanted to go. My dad answered for me, saying I wanted to go home to dwit. So yeah, I'm gonna start dwit-ing after I finish this entry. [Note: Dwit is short form for "do whatever it takes"]

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

Well... I dont have much to write today. Nothing much has happened. I know I should be studying, but I just cant get started. I know once you start, you cant stop, but when you stop you cant seem to start again. Kk never mind, I gotta go study now I guess. -groans.

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

Scalded my tongue with Lee Lek Kee's stupid tea today. It hurts bad when I try to eat. Note: I used the word 'try'. I'm starving now man. I'll never touch chinese tea again. Read my lips. -grumble.

When dad brought me out last Saturday, he saw the massive poster of iPod, and asked if I wanted. I said it was too expensive. He said he wanted to get me one on my birthday, but I declinced. Whatever for, I dont know. I gotta be stupid. When my dad browsed through the store for games, he asked again if I wanted it. Why did I hve to shake my head?! Never mind.. I have a perfectly good iTunes on my com. [shhh, I'm trying ta delete the reponse from the event to make a better outcome =P]

Geez, I was at the computer [not playing and doing rubbish, mind you] for a couple of hours trying to finish my humans and chinese. I used the net to get research on humans while I used the chinese software to do my chinese. I'm very guai okay. =P

Yeah alright. I gotta go. See you guys laterrrr.

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

I was in a horrid mood today. I was alright before english lesson, but when Matthew grabbed my TYS away I lost it I guess. I just said "hey!" and he lost it too. =P after that he got rather angry with me I guess. Started bitchin bout me to some of my friends. Started talking about things he doesnt know about.. Whatever man.. Thats not what happened and you know it..

I cut my thumb after that.. Was rather grumpy.. I gotta apologize to Aaron tomorrow. I didnt mean to snap at him.. Yeah and Sherlyn too.. I guess I was rather snappy today. Sorry, Sherlyn! =P Forgive me k?

Havin a splitting headache now.. My head's ringing even when I cough.

And someone hor.. Say my link hor.. When Isabelle's in front of her hor.. Just say out hor.. Even spell it out hor.. Someone hor.. In my class de hor.. My good friend hor.. Aiyo enough with the "hor". I'm beginning to sound like ShuMei the "den-hor-girl". =P Anw, "someone", forget bout it. I dont think she's that bo liao to come into the site.. haha. ; )

Oh, Matthew just apologized to me.. But before that he asked why I so pms today. -__-" Just one "hey" and he say I pms.. I asked him not to talk bout me and bensee anymore.. And he knew it was Aaron who told me.. =P chalk that up for my apologizing list tomorrow.. >.<

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

Thought I saw Bensee at Funan Center yesterday. But I know I saw his classmate there. But who cares. I dont feel like doing my Humanities work. I've got till Wednesday anw. Man, Ziluo was right, it wont take long till the motivation to study goes hay-wire somewhere. I dont know what what else to write so I'll just put up some lame jokes from my younger sis.

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

I was thinking bout my "problem" with Isabelle. I heard from someone that she was giving me the death sentence. I mean, whats that? And apparently she seems she's angry with me partly because I told Lai Yan about that handphone thingy. Like, that is so over? First you say now's not the same as last time, then you change your mind and say now's the same as last time. Hello? The past is not equal to the future. What do I have to do to make you see that?? I know I've changed, so other people said. But your mom herself told me you changed negatively. Your mom told me everything.. I'm not in the dark about anything now. [well except that I still dont know the full reason why you're giving me the "death sentence"]. And you blame everything on everyone else but yourself. Nice, but why dont you try telling the truth for a change?

I have no idea what to do now. There's one problem after another. I'm going bonkers soon. I bet you're not even worrying your self-centered little head about this. How about thinking about other people for a change.. Admit your mistakes.. If you dare do it, why be afraid of the consequences?.. Books and comics are right. Girls are sooo hard to understand. And I include myself too. Sometimes I just dont get myself.

And right now I dont know why I'm wasting my time on writing all of this. I'd hate to be bitching about other people [so some call it], but I just gotta get it off my chest. If 2 years of friendship mean nothing to you, so be it. I'm not you, and I dont think I ever wanna be you. I just dont understand. Maybe I'm not worth being your best friend.

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

I knew I shouldnt have worn slippers yesterday. I had decided to walk home from Queenstown station. My bag was heavy and I was sorta walking in a daze. My feet have blisters and small stones kept creeping under my foot. And when I crossed the road with no traffic light, I didnt see the cab wanting to turn. The stupid car honked at me, and I literally jumped. Stupid car. Scared the hell outta me.

Isabelle's mom sms-ed me yesterday night, asking where was Isabelle. I told her she was avoiding me and her mom asked me if I noticed a negative change in her attitude. I said yes, but dont know what happened. And without warning her mom told me everything that happened. Bout that fella and everything. But well, I'm glad her parents know. Her mom even thanked me for my concern. I was like, 'huh?' But anw.. I'm just glad her parents know.. Sometimes.. I really miss her.. I mean, no matter how horrible she treated me last time she still was my best friend. Note, I used was.

Today was cool, I brought Matthew to play with Alson, Joshua, Jonathan and Yong Leng. I think they liked playing with Matthew. There were many doubles matches, some matchpoint 15, some 7. I teamed with Matthew and I think we won every game we played, thanks to Matthew. He played really well, it amuses me just to think of how Jon Ong or Matthew Leong would fare. The stupid blisters hurt me purty much. I dunno why, but in the middle of the last game I got so mad at myself that I just kept using alot of force, some became smashes, others just went totally out. But who cares. Its over anw.

I didnt update for so long. Tsk. Anw, gotta go. I dont feel like writing anything else.

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

Its only two and the sky's as dark as a tax-collecter's heart. This lousy feeling's been coming back to me. I feel like locking the door, trashing my room, destroying everything, and sit in the middle of the debris and cry my heart out. Does anyone out there know how I feel.. Can anyone out there know how I feel...? I'm feeling so awful, but I dont know what the tears rolling down my cheek are for.. Can someone just walk up to me and shoot me in the brain with a gun.. Jon even told me to be grateful for what I have.. Exactly what do I have?.. Nothing has been going right for me.. I try.. I fail my subjects. I pass a chinese test.. But its all a fluke.. The marks were counted wrongly.. I thought I had something to be proud about.. But I dont have anything.. I dont even have someone's arms to run into.. I wait for the one I love.. I ruined my own relationship.. And now I want it back?.. Fat hope.. Although I dont believe in retribution this indeed feels like it.. Even loving someone is so hard.. Friends give me more problems than I can handle.. Gab's flaring up whenever something's not going her way.. I just want to shoot myself in the head and go up to heaven.. At least there I can be rid and free of all my problems.. I have someone to help "ease" the "pain" and my grandma simply had to take that away.. Its Cleo.. When she first came I could play with her and I just felt all my problems becoming smaller and smaller.. Ah.. Why am I typing all these out anw.. Its probably gibberish to anyone who reads it..

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

I just came back from the local discussion group. There were 6 of us, plus 4 teachers. The students were, Wan Ling [3a], Stella [3h], me [3f], Matthew [3f], Andrew [3d], and Eddie [3d]. The teachers were Mrs Martha Chew, Ms Mano, Mrs Maria Tan and Ms/Mrs Grace Fong. It was okay, they asked questions and we just freely answered them. It was alright, abit funny to be hearing all the comments. At the end Ms Mano told Matthew to improve on his English if he wanted to excel. I think she was referring to either the stammering or the frequent use of Singlish. Luckily it was not Ms Lim. When Ms Mano asked us to take her as an example of an influential leader, everyone started sniggering, even the teachers. Lasted for one and a half hours. Miraculously I managed to keep awake. The feeback was quite humourous. We really opened then.

*you hurt me every second of the day, you just dont know you did;;

My first attempt at changing my blog skin, and I succeeded. =P Well, on the contrary of the skin, I'm not a really huge fan of Avril Lavigne. Just that I like the layout alot. I simply must know how to put in a tagboard. The space where the tagboard should be makes the blog look empty, despite the huge amount of crap I put in there.

I'll be going out for dinner soon, with my parents. Gosh, its been so long since I ate restaurant fare. My stomach didnt agree with the sloppy food I've been eating these few days, as well as the irregular meals. Oh well. Gotta be heading down soon.

YAY Ziluo sent me the song "heal this world". It totally rocks man. I love it soooo much. Maybe it can aid my blah feeling I've been getting these few days. Here're the lyrics. Enjoy.

Heal This World;;
Michael Jackson;;

There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

I freaked myself out by reading Alex Kava's "Split Second". Its about this psychotic murderer who tortures his victims with a slow death just for the pleasure of it. Ugh. Gross.

Why am I talking about disgusting murders, I dont know. Tomorrow's Group Discussion. I'm so freaked out by it. Of all people I had to be selected to go. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

I've been feeling blah lately. I think I'll go study later. -groans.

I'm hurt every second of the day, just that you dont know about it

Yeah, I know, I have not been updating regularly. Now when I come home its "bathe, eat, study". Although I dont really study 100% of the time I have on my hands, I do try to keep up with the chapters.

Just realised the teacher counted the marks of my test paper wrongly. In the end he went 6 marks overshot. From a pass to a fail. I felt so confident that I could pass my tests if I tried. So my confidence kinda went down. Later found out that I failed my english mid-term and Science mid-term. I got so dejected I was tempted to go to Jon's quiet place to have a good cry. Tears were already welling up when I told Xiu Feng I failed. She kept saying "dont cry, dont cry", but little did she know that few words made me feel worse. One or two tears was all I allowed to fall out of my eye. Decided to change everything in the end-year. Beaver kinda thought the study skills had totally no effect on us even though it was very good. I looked down when he say that, trying not to give him the glare I usually reserved for idiots like.. Okay, never mind. Shush.

So.. Gotta go then. Have to update my other diary then its tv.. I'm giving myself a break. From what, dont ask me. I have been studying but I dont have anything to show for it. But a jump from a 10/50 to a 45/100 made Mr Pang quite proud I guess. I just hope I can pass next time.